Tale As Old As I : Beauty and the Beast *No Spoiler Alert, this movie is 26 years old and if you haven't watched it by now I'd sue your parents

When I was five years old my parents brought home a baby boy to live with us and take half the attention away from me...later that year they half made up for it by taking me to see the film that  I base all my romantic relationships after I'd go on to love my the rest of life, Beauty and the Beast.  So naturally I was excited to hear that there would be a live action remake of the classic Disney film set in post plague France staring some of my favorite French English people Matthew Crawley and Hermione Granger Weasley!

So I packed up my roommates into one of their cars and headed to the 10 PM showing of the classic last night...we didn't do the midnight showing because we really didn't need to be on coffee drips all day.  But here we go, again....spoiler alert isn't necessary because this is the same movie that came out in 1991...just with live action and a some changes. So here's the scoop. 

The Queen does Slayeth 

The Queen does Slayeth 

Alright so the story starts out exactly the same...except now there's a lot of diversity, which is amazing and basically everything that is right with our world. The prince is having a fly party en blanc...which I'm only assuming is where people got the idea for dinner en blanc...and he's wearing a lot of makeup, he 1000% went to the MAC store and they had their way with him. So this awesome party with dancing also has THE AUDRA MCDONALD, the most decorated actress in Broadway history and of course she's slaying it! Then the witch crashes and we all know how that goes "You're cursed...and so is your castle, and your peoples and your face."

"I can't even." - BEAST

"I can't even." - BEAST

Then there's Belle, a young maiden living in a small provincial town in the outskirts of France (or something like that)...which is basically every Julia Roberts movies dream plot...and every hipsters retirement plan currently.  However, this is pre Instagram, Our French Cottage, lucrative blog opportunity France and Belle is bored...real bored. However books are her friends because obvi...and the town people are SO BASIC. 

This is the most basic gathering of people since the French General Assembly of 1791

This is the most basic gathering of people since the French General Assembly of 1791

Anyways, Belle lives with her dad (the brilliant Kevin Kline) in this little town and they seem like they're really out of place...and it turns out that they are because apparently they used to live in Paris and moved. IDK why, if they had held on to whatever Rue they were living on they would be rolling in castle money by now. So they live in this town and he still goes to market and Belle is still being mildly stalked by Gaston, which in this movie isn't so bad because he is D.R.E.A.M.Y. (See exhibit A. Below)

That jaw line tho. 

That jaw line tho. 

So Belle's dad is off to the Farmers Market, which back then I can only assume everything was as Beyond Organic as can be. While he's gone Belle is stuck being smarter than all the villagers and town folk. Until his horse alone and turns everything upside down because of course he's been captured by The Beast, and off Belle goes. 

Once Belle reaches the castle, stands her own against Beast and sets her father free she becomes the luckiest person ever to move into a castle with a billion books putting the town book shelf to shame. And all she has to do is hangout with a verbally abusive man an unpleasant guy who might have a softer side..and has enchanted animated object staff.
This might be the most beautiful ram I've ever seen.

This might be the most beautiful ram I've ever seen.

So I don't really need to recap the rest because again its essentially the same movie, but does have a lot of fun new additions that you'll want to see.  The cast is incredible, I mean Ewan McGregor as The Candelabra, Lumiere is such a perfect choice since the brilliant Jerry Orbach is no longer with us (RIP.) Thankfully McGregor has signing chops....I mean he was the dreamiest in Moulin Rouge and just a little too old to play the Beast. Then Emma Thompson as Mrs. Potts was perfect casting....although I'm sure Angela Lansbury was able and willing...I mean I don't know maybe she was probably off writing murders or something. 

Overall the movie is fantastic, the graphics are great and Emma Watson is sublime.  Go see the movie...I'm still on a high I haven't felt since 1991, and giddy as a school girl on 7 pixie sticks. Oh and did I mention Stanley Tucci is in this too? 

-DM

Image Sources: 1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8 /9